Weekly Message

Hello friends!

First, a quick update so you don’t miss it:  the sessions and packages I offer are now on sliding scale pricing, so you can get a 1:1 session for anywhere from $25 to $95 Canadian – as you feel comfortable paying, no questions asked. Scroll down to the Sessions section for more details.

Next, it feels right to include this note here:  the following Message section includes questions, ideas, and possibilities about what happens to us – our spirit, soul, energy, and so on – after we die. This is written with the intention of being helpful, even comforting, or at least spark contemplation. But if this is a sensitive topic for you, please simply scroll down to the Writing section and beyond.

Message:

In a recent conversation with a dear friend, she offered me a treasured compliment by letting me know that I had helped her feel more at peace with the concept of death, particularly as she navigated the passing of a loved one in recent years.

Side note:  for much of my life this is probably one of the last things I thought I would ever be helping anyone with – as I was very unclear about it and actually quite afraid of the topic altogether. Funny how things can change.

My friend reminded me of this piece I wrote several years ago as I reflected after my dad died. It was actually really lovely to reread it today – it had been quite awhile since I had. Heads-up – it’s quite long, so be prepared to settle in for a few minutes with this one. 🙂

What happens to us after we die, anyway?  I don’t believe that anyone has a completely accurate answer to this – or the ultimate ‘truth’ about death and the afterlife – until we experience it for ourselves.

In the meantime there’s room for all sorts of ideas, theories, questions, and beliefs.

Is it even universally experienced – do we all experience death the same way? Or do we each experience it our own very unique way – just as we have a unique DNA make-up, different physical characteristics, mannerisms, thoughts, etc.?

Do we actually exist as one singular ‘soul’ or ‘spirit’ after we pass on?  Or is it referred to as a separate entity (such as a ‘soul’) because each of us currently exists in a separate physical body and it’s too hard to conceive of existence in any form other than one that is separate?  But is it possible, for example, that we might exist as energy that is dispersed into many – even infinite – ‘places’ at once?

Plenty of books I’ve read and well-meaning spiritual teachers and practitioners I’ve encountered have explained – often with great certainty, conviction, and detail – ‘how it is’ after one dies, so much so that for years I figured one of them surely must be right and tuned into the ‘correct’ frequency and answers …

… until I realized that no one is completely ‘right’ and no one is necessarily ‘wrong’ either, but rather they’re all – we’re all just sharing what we’ve come to understand based on various experiences and interactions.

Below, I share a few of the beliefs I currently hold about death and the afterlife. They’ve evolved through the work and sessions I’ve done on myself and others, through conversation and intuitive experiences, and essentially – as I’ve opened up spiritually and intuitively.

But by no means am I claiming that the statements below are ‘the truth’ or ‘how it is.’  I simply share them with you in case they bring you a little peace or perhaps spark some contemplation.

I’m also aware that these beliefs will likely shift a little as time goes on – as they already have over the years so far. Our beliefs are not necessarily static or permanent if we’re open to adjusting them based on new information and ideas.

Here’s a bit about how I have come to see it:

~ Death is the transition and continuation of our energy from one form (held within our physical body) into another form.

~ This energetic form is quite likely something that is beyond our comprehension right now. Our current mind/body is familiar with the general laws of physics, and well-tuned to our five senses and the stimuli we interpret in the physical world – colours, sounds, feelings, sensations. As we attempt to shape our own concept of existence beyond this lifetime, it’s important to stay open to the possibility that it could be far different than anything we could even conceive of right now – let alone describe accurately. But we can do our best.

~ We can communicate – at least to some degree – with the energy of those who have passed on. Some of us have a stronger, perhaps more acutely-tuned ability in this regard, but it’s my view that we all can. Often we just aren’t open to the possibility of it either due to skepticism or simply doubt as to whether we have the ability to do it; or, perhaps we have a very specific idea of how such communication would happen, and if it occurs differently we don’t believe it or trust it.

~ Fear-based emotions such as anger, discontentment, guilt, shame, upset, sadness – are largely alleviated or stripped away after we die – so we aren’t carrying those feelings around with us in that energetic form.

~ We have a far greater awareness at that point, as well, and can tune in to the feelings of those who are still alive and well – previously limited by the barriers of the physical form and what people chose to reveal to us. As a result, there’s no need for fretting about things that weren’t said to someone before they passed on, or issues left unresolved in some way, and so on. The things ‘we wish they knew’ before they died – they already know (and/or we can still share it with them after they have passed on to be sure they know – if that makes us feel more certain).

Again, these are a few of my beliefs at the moment – they’re not facts. Maybe you see things quite differently and what I’ve shared doesn’t resonate for you. I’m not here to convince anyone of my ideas.

As with all that I write and share – I offer ideas and possibilities, and I trust that sharing them will be helpful or meaningful for someone in some small way.

Writing:

A few pieces to share: this one, and this, as well as this one here.

Media recommendations: 

~ Jay Shetty’s On Purpose podcast:  the Adam Grant (discovering your hidden potential) episode, and Alli Webb (impostor syndrome and small steps to success) episode – both worth a listen.

Sessions:

The 45min 1:1 sessions and packages I offer are now on a sliding scale – between $25 and $95 Canadian – based on what each person feels comfortable paying. No questions asked and no judgment.

Note:  45min sessions are really closer to 60min as I often go overtime – as many of you know 😉 .

For availability and to book a session – check here.

~ I love doing 1:1 sessions and there’s great value in what I offer:  holding space and creating a deeply relaxing experience, offering a gateway to explore one’s inner wisdom, tuning in on an intuitive level and clearing energetically, and sharing what I pick up on – to spark contemplation and resonance.

~ But when we’re all struggling to make ends meet, no matter the perceived value of such sessions, getting one can be a bit more of a nice-to-have rather than a necessity. This is my way of making sessions a little more accessible for folks. 

We often benefit from including an intuitive approach rather than trying to find our way using logic alone.

Wishing you peace and strength in the week ahead.

Hello friends!

First up, in case you’re in the habit of only reading the first bit of my emails right away (I get it – they’re not short 😉 ) – I’m putting this at the top so you don’t miss it:

I have the capacity to offer six free 45min 1:1 sessions starting in mid-November.

A great opportunity to try out a session and also open to those who have worked with me before. Scroll down to the Sessions section for more info, or just reply to let me know you’re interested.

Next, a little housekeeping note:  I’ve been more sporadic with sending these messages this Fall, so right now it’s not really accurate to say they’re ‘Weekly.’ Thanks for your patience. Sometimes life just feels a little more full.

Now, without further ado, here’s a little reminder…

…and…

 Message: 

How are you going to be useful today? 

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been making the rounds of podcasts to promote his new book, Be Useful. Although I haven’t read the book, it’s one of the things that really stood out from the conversations I’ve heard:

~ the value of having a really clear goal or vision as to where we’re headed or what we’d like to accomplish; and

~ the importance of asking ourselves that question – How will I be useful today?

Perhaps you think him an unlikely person for me to quote. Not everyone likes his politics, or some of his choices, or even his movies for that matter. But if you put those things aside, we might still be able to find value in his advice – at least it sparked me to contemplate a little.

Regarding goals:  yes, isn’t it great if we have a clear goal and vision for ourselves? It’s helpful to look ahead and focus on something of value that we want to work toward. This helps inform our actions and helps us feel motivated.

But sometimes we don’t have a clear goal. Maybe we know that we don’t have a goal. Or maybe we think we do have a goal, but our goal is actually fuzzy and vague and not clear at all – which doesn’t feel very helpful.

At those times, there’s little use in struggling or pressuring ourselves. We can’t force a goal to magically appear, nor make our vague goal become magically clearer.

In fact, it is probably of more value to be more open – perhaps even largely forgetting about a goal for awhile – rather than concentrating and working hard to try to ‘figure it out.’

Staying open allows what’s behind all the thinking to come through and be heard.

Whispering quietly somewhere behind all the trying and thinking and concentrating – is a goal that feels exciting:  something we’re passionate about. But the more we think about it, the harder it can be to find – almost like our focus is chasing it further into hiding.

Why not start with small goals and leave the big goals to unfold for themselves? Those ‘big goals’ being the answers to questions that keep us awake at night from time to time. The – What am I doing with my life? or What’s next for me?  or What’s my purpose? – questions we all ask ourselves (or something similar) from time to time.

Instead, why not start with:  what is my goal for today?  for this week?  for the next hour? for the next few minutes? or even What new practice or experience will I try out? – without requiring it be part of a long-term goal or commitment.

On a related note, here’s a 10min clip about confidence (Chris Williamson on Diary of a CEO, Moment 127) – emphasizing that a key foundational component to confidence comes from keeping promises we make to ourselves about the actions we’re going to take.

Here’s another reminder for those who might feel they’re lacking a little confidence…

Related writing:

Three pieces related to goals, accepting our starting point, and going easy on ourselves – this one, as well as this one, and this one too.

Media recommendations: 

~ Dr. Tara Swart, neuroscientist – on Diary of a CEO podcast with Stephen Bartlett. Really valuable insight into understanding our brain, neurochemistry, and physiology in relation to our daily life. She even touches on her views on manifestation – interesting to have a scientist’s perspective on it.

~ Two great CBC radio shows on death and end of life I heard this past weekend – likely themed as such because they aired so close to Halloween. Some really thoughtful and interesting commentary from folks such as:  a professor talking about approaches to death from a historical perspective, to someone working in end of life care sharing some inexplicable things they regularly witness, to some book recommendations in this area – and lots more. CBC Tapestry with Mary Hynes, Oct 29 – After life: finding meaning at the end – and – CBC Spark with Nora Young – Being Human Now 2: Death.

Sessions:  

The six free 45min 1:1 sessions are available to all whether or not you’ve worked with me before. Sessions will be booked starting the weekend of Nov 18^th and beyond.

~Sometimes thinking and talking through an issue has grown tiresome and we’re keen to try a different approach.

~Sometimes we’d like a reprieve – a break from the mental chatter. 

~Sometimes we’d just like an opportunity for some deep relaxation and intuitive exploration.

Reply to this email to let me know if you’re interested.

Note: my reply back to you might be a little delayed in this first half of November – thanks in advance for your patience.

Hello friends!

I learned the term ’empathic distress’ this week. Since any number of issues might be impacting you (or any of us) right now – whether it’s events happening elsewhere in the world or something closer to home – I thought it might be helpful to share the definition.

Empathic distress refers to a strong aversive and self-oriented response to the suffering of others, accompanied by the desire to withdraw from a situation in order to protect oneself from excessive negative feelings. ~Tania Singer and Olga Klimecki, in this article, cited by Adam Grant in his recent newsletter

Maybe you are in empathic distress. Perhaps there is some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone.

Maybe it’s true for someone you know – they’re not reacting to something as strongly as you might expect or desire.

Perhaps seeing reactions (or lack thereof) as a coping mechanism and sign of overwhelm instead of as uncaring or not doing/reacting/helping as much as one thinks we/they ‘should’ – might help us seek to understand each other a little more and judge each other a little less harshly.

It’s worth remembering that we don’t know the full extent of what’s going on in someone else’s life – how a situation has impacted them, what it might have brought up for them, what else is weighing on them, and so on. No matter what they share with us, and no matter our good intentions – we will never know every detail about another person’s inner world.

And – I pulled a card tonight with this message: Be gentle with yourself. You heal with the power of love. See the light in all things. Acknowledge your self-worth and grace.

Related writing:

On the rough parts of life

On finding a way out of despair

On feeling supported 

Media recommendations: 

~ Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute on The Office) on Diary of a CEO podcast – a lovely, thought-provoking conversation. I really enjoyed it – he’s so well-spoken, thoughtful, authentic and vulnerable.

~ Michael Caine (actor) in this short 1min30sec clip reminds us to ‘Use the difficulty.’ He brings a tactic he uses on stage into daily life, by frequently asking the question:  how can this obstacle or difficulty – from a misplaced prop on stage to a challenge in our lives – be used for ‘good’ or creative means. Where can you find value or creativity in the obstacle you have in your life?

Sessions:

As always, please reach out if you are keen for a session or for more info.

Wishing you resilience and a sense of calm in the week ahead.

Hello friends!

Don’t let your fascination with the end [of a project or goal – whether you’ll finish or not, how it’ll go, etc.] stop you from starting. ~Jay Shetty, in his On Purpose podcast, June 23, 2023 episode with Novak Djokovic

Having recently experienced some pitfalls of procrastination, I’m reminding us all to JUST START SOMEWHERE. Start where you are – perhaps on one part of the project you have in mind or that goal you dream of achieving. Read the full message here where I share some thoughts that might be keeping you from starting, and some ideas to challenge them.

Here’s another piece on procrastination and this one on releasing expectations around the goals we’re working toward.

But rather than just taking action on any old project, it’s important to be clear on our ‘why’ – why do we feel this is of value for us to do right now?  In this way, we might help prevent ourselves from mindlessly trying to achieve more and more just because we think it’s what we’re supposed to do…

A bit more food for thought:

Media recommendations:

• The Gabor Maté episode of Armchair Expert podcast – on trauma and addiction. What a lovely and enlightening conversation – a good one, to be sure, and one I’ll be revisiting as there’s so much valuable info in it.

Sessions:

~ Ever had to turn down the music in your car to focus on parallel parking or to find an address you’re visiting for the first time?  We do that to reduce distractions and incoming data in order to improve our ability to concentrate.

~ In a similar way, our mind is full of thoughts and mental chatter from morning till night which can make it challenging to notice our intuition.

~ A session offers a reprieve from the mental busyness and an opportunity to explore what’s beneath it, waiting to be heard.

If this sparks curiosity for you, drop me a line by reply email.

Wishing you a peaceful week ahead.

And for those of you having an especially difficult time right now (and I know some of you are, for varying reasons) – I send you a virtual hug and the message from a card I pulled earlier today:  Go Easy On Yourself.

Hello friends!

If you’re so busy focused on the ending you’re going to miss the show.
~Doc, in Virgin River, S3, Ep 7 or 8. I’m sure I’ve also heard this before (or a variation) but couldn’t find another source for it through a quick search.

I love that reminder, so I wanted to share it with you.

We often get wrapped up in – and focused on – the future as we look ahead to the possible outcomes or the ending of something, don’t we?

Maybe we’re fearful or apprehensive of how it might go, or perhaps we expect things will unfold in a certain way and we’re counting on that, or it might just be that we’re curious about it, wondering what will happen, etc.

Whatever the case may be, we try to predict or control how things will happen later on – how, and possibly even when something will end or be completed – often at the expense of our attention on what’s happening now.

Meanwhile, the ‘show’ of our present experience – the fellow ‘players’ in our lives, the scenery, our awareness of what’s happening around us – is all going largely unnoticed, perhaps missed altogether at times.

As a result, it might even feel like we’re hastening the ending or completion to arrive by dwelling on it – even if it’s something we’re fearing.

What are you so busy looking ahead to that you’re not aware of the ‘show’ that’s going on right now in your life?

Is it possible to experiment with releasing our grasp a little on our attempts to control what will happen later in favour of being a little more present – trusting that things will work out as we move forward even if we’re not thinking about the outcome so much of the time?

I invite you to contemplate these ideas, and wish you a little more ease as you go through your week.

A few pieces of writing:

On thinking too much – newly written this past week, along with a few older pieces:  the stories we tell ourselves, how we are featured in others’ stories, and how our own stories can make things more complicated

Media recommendations:

• This 10min segment – 44:00-54:35 – of the Will Smith episode of Rick Rubin’s podcast Tetragrammaton – they talk about ways to look at difficult experiences in our lives, as well as the stories we tell ourselves that contribute to how we define ourselves and others.
• This 2min segment – 48:00-50:35 on the Judd Apatow episode of Neal Brennan’s Blocks podcast – I love that they mention helpful approaches to life like the beginner’s mind, living in your heart and not in your head – and also how we all forget about some of these key concepts as we get absorbed into our daily life, and need reminders of them from time to time.

Hello friends!

This summer I went on a trip, and as I prepared for my departure I focused on packing very light above all else. I mean really, at the expense of everything else:  I gave minimal thought to what I would even do at my destination, and instead focused on packing as little as possible.

As a chronic overpacker, this was a big deal for me – and arguably a necessary focus. 😉

OK, hold that thought about the packing – I’ll come back to it. 🙂

I had a realization recently, an a-ha moment of sorts:  when we are asked the question ‘how are you?’ – rarely do we contemplate and answer as to how we are in the present moment, do we?

We usually drag our stories into the formulation of our answers:  our perspective on what’s recently happened in our life, our doubts or fears about possible future outcomes, etc.

We give a measured version of how we are based on the above. That is, if we don’t answer with an autopilot ‘fine’ or ‘good.’ 😉 

There can be value in sharing how we feel about things that have happened or might happen in our lives, and offering these details can help foster connection with the person to whom we’re speaking.

But the stories we tell ourselves and others also keep us from being present.

The words we use to share our stories keep us in that place – immersed in the emotions that go along with the stories.

As we say things like – ‘I’ve been better,’ or a hesitant ‘pretty good, I guess,’ or ‘I’m okay’ – or get creative by answering with more detail – ‘well, things are definitely challenging in my life right now because of [x,y,z]!’ – however we answer, we’re probably doing a fast mental review of all our recent experiences, fears, worries, possibilities – keeping them all in the forefront of our awareness; and they’re likely keeping us a bit stuck.

But what about right now – literally, in this moment – how do we feel?  Maybe we feel well-rested, maybe a little tired, or perhaps we feel comfortable on the chair where we’re sitting, or simply content to be making the connection with the person asking the question, and so on.

Is it possible that we might actually feel ‘better,’ or at least a little different in this moment than we think we do – if only we were to leave our stories in the past or future, where they belong?

I used to work with someone who always answered the question:  ‘how are you?’  with ‘excellent!’ or ‘couldn’t be better!’ or ‘fantastic!’ – no matter what was going on, how seemingly stressful the situation, etc. I never asked them why they had such an extraordinarily positive response, but I now wonder if this person had ‘being in present moment’ a little more in focus for themselves.

I invite you to try contemplating how you feel without the baggage of your stories from the past or possible future outcomes, and how you might answer the: ‘how are you?’ question from the viewpoint of ‘this specific moment.’

Perhaps something I brought back from my trip in my lighter-than-usual suitcase 😉 – was a greater awareness of the ease and value that comes with packing light, both literally and figuratively.

A few related pieces of writing:

On not getting stuck in the past.

On times when you feel like you just can’t find something good in this moment.

On not letting your thoughts steal joy from this moment.

Media recommendations:

• Evy Poumpouras (journalist, author, and past member of the US Secret Service) shares her perspective on the value of making mistakes and being wrong – in this 2min30sec video.
• Kyle Cease (comedian turned motivational speaker) shares a novel approach to an event or activity that we’re nervous about – in this 11min video – though you can zero-in on the main point by tuning in from about the 50sec mark thru to 2min35sec

Hello friends!

Wherever you go, there you are. ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

This message has been more prominent in my awareness in recent months. It reminds us that our environment can change – our physical surroundings, even what we wear or other possessions – but we are largely the same on the inside.

We can desperately try to escape our inner struggles or perceived problems looking to the destination as the solution – whether it comes in the form of going out for coffee or to a whole new city, whether our excursion or change is for a short while or on a more permanent basis.

I’ve done this many times, to be sure.

Make no mistake – there is often value in taking the trip, getting the new job, changing up our routine or even our appearance – it brings a freshness, variety, and a new perspective and often more connections into our experience. These things can impact us in wonderful ways and bring about different opportunities.

But what is within us – the internal challenges, our confidence and insecurities, the way we handle things, all that we have learned and absorbed so far – all the aspects of ourselves make the journey with us to our new location or into our new clothes or new car.

I simply invite contemplation around this. How does this message speak to you?  Might you be looking to ‘fix’ something within yourself by only changing your surroundings in some way?

If the answer is ‘yes’ but you’re not sure what to do instead or in addition to that, I invite you to get quiet and try writing. Without judgment of what’s coming up and onto the page, just get the thoughts out of your head as a starting point. Perhaps reach out and connect – to me, or to a trusted friend or therapist. Simply sharing one’s struggle or confusion – letting it hit the air – can often be beneficial; and sometimes the listener might float a few ideas and possibilities that help you find your next step forward.

Wishing for you a week of feeling – more often than not – content and comfortable in your own skin, just as you are.

I thought to share this cute cartoon (artist unknown) as a reminder that we can’t look to one singular thing (like a crystal) to ‘fix our life’ in general. Improvements and solutions to our wellbeing are usually found in an orchestra of different supports, not a single instrument – at least that’s my view.

Some pieces of writing:

On where we might find happiness

On finding solutions

On shifting from worry to trust

Media recommendation:

• The Jon Kabat-Zinn book – Wherever You Go There You Are. Still working my way through it, intermittently, but it’s a down-to-earth reflection and guide to meditation in the world today.
• A Million Miles Away – a new movie on Netflix – trailer here. The true story of one man’s journey to become an astronaut. Very inspiring and worth the watch, if it piques your interest.

Hello friends!

Supportive connection with others is priceless.

Lovely art and quote above found shared on Facebook, which I later discovered was created by Toots Design.

We look for support from others from time to time, whether explicitly asking for help or simply by seeking commonality or community.

But I also invite us to remember that we – and therefore others, too – often struggle with issues that no one else can see but which take up much of one’s bandwidth and inner resources.

I remind us all to offer folks (and ourselves) grace, and to release expectations we might be holding that suggest that someone (or ourselves) ‘should’ be able to be ‘there’ for us (or us for them) at a certain time.

Indeed, anyone’s cup might feel as empty as the other’s at any moment, rendering them (or any of us) unable to offer the support to another that might be most valuable.

This week’s message:

I am often reminded of the value of friends, family, and other connections with whom we feel comfortable. This past week has highlighted it for me yet again – the importance of sharing our foibles and vulnerabilities, of admitting our mistakes, of laughing about our missteps and the things we might think odd about ourselves, and the release of the ‘I must be the only one who feels this way / does this / experiences this’ type of thoughts in favour of the relief that comes from the discovery that someone else has also had the same or similar experience, or from simply feeling the support of someone who is keen to listen without judgment.

Mindful that some aren’t able or willing to share their issues with others, I offer a few ideas for those folks to consider:

• what would you tell a dear friend who chose to share this issue with you? How can you be your own trusted friend in this moment? I often find this to be more easily done in writing, and here is a piece I wrote about this practice. Here is another piece that is related. 

• if you believe there exists a support system beyond this physical world that we experience with the five senses – perhaps through inner wisdom or intuition, through spirit, through spirit guides or angels, through a universal support or energy, through loved ones who have passed on, or a combination of the above – however you conceive it to be, I invite you to ask a question or request help from that source, and notice what happens, what comes into your awareness as you remain open and observant to whatever form that support may take as it finds its way to you. Here is a related piece I wrote about this awhile back, and another one, too.
• since you have made it through all the challenging experiences you’ve endured up to this point, is it possible for you to trust that there is always some sort of support available and on its way to you – of some type, in some way, in some form, and perhaps in the most unexpected of places and times?

Media recommendations:

This week it’s a simple focus on Brené Brown, professor and researcher on vulnerability, shame, and empathy:

• Her Netflix special, here is the trailer (1min) of The Call To Courage
• Her TED Talk (20min) on The Power of Vulnerability
• Her short animated (3min)  video on empathy
• Plus, her many books which could be worth exploring

Session info:
Session offerings will resume in August.

Note:  these Weekly Messages might be a little less regular during the coming month. Thanks in advance for your patience. 🙂

Hello friends!

Two wise reminders I came across recently:

The only person you can control is you. Stop being mad at people because they aren’t who you want them to be. ~Mel Robbins

This week’s message:

In my writing I often share ideas about how we might consider approaching our thoughts, our experiences, or other people and our interactions with them a little differently – with an eye toward helping us all go through life with a bit more ease.

Do you know how often I reread something I’ve written – maybe months or even years later – and say to myself:  ‘Oh right!!  I forgot about that!! That is actually a great reminder for me right now!!’ ? – Almost every time!

I share this to emphasize that despite writing these ideas down, I still don’t have it all figured out, nor do I always remember to practice these different approaches; but I do my best.

I’d say it’s the same for each of us:  it can take a time to shift and practice a newfound outlook.

It might take repetition, and being intentional with our actions, moderating our thoughts, and even some conscious reminders to help a new approach sink in and become more reflexive.

Even with things we think we have down pat, we slip up sometimes, or discover more to learn as another layer is revealed.

Even those at whom we look wistfully, wishing we had their knowledge or experience, or acted with the ease with which they do – they, too, are looking at someone (maybe even at us!) as we look at them, thinking the other is wiser or more ‘practiced’ in some way. It’s all relative.

Reminding you to give your self-critic some well-deserved time-off – it’s probably been working overtime.

Some related pieces of writing:  here, as well as this, and also this one.

Speaking of reminders and the rereading of things, I’ve put the content of these Weekly Messages – going all the way back to January – in one place here on this Weekly Message page on my website. The most recent one is usually posted a couple days after I send it out by email – so y’all are still getting it first. 😉

Media recommendations:

I recently discovered a new podcast Blocks, by Neal Brennan (comedian, writer, director). The podcast description explains it best: Neal interviews friends and colleagues about the things that make them feel lonely, isolated, and like something’s wrong – and how they are persevering despite these blocks. I particularly enjoyed the Howie Mandel episode. He also has two Netflix comedy specials as well:  3 Mics, and Blocks (which I think is what sparked the podcast).

Session info:

Greater session availability will open back up in August. 

Hello friends!

When it comes to fears and worries (with the notable exception of situations where physical safety is questionable), I invite you to ask yourself:

What would I do or say right now…

…if fear wasn’t a part of this for me?
…if worry wasn’t taking up so much real-estate in my mind around this issue?
…if fear wasn’t playing into the decision?

Can you be curious:

~What decision, idea, or action is waiting beneath or behind the fear?
~What is fear preventing me from doing? 
~How is it holding me back from showing up as the complete and authentic ‘me’ that I am?
~What would I do if the fear wasn’t here?  

Maybe you can’t see beyond fear at the moment. Maybe you’re having trouble answering the questions I listed – it feels too difficult. That’s OK. This exploration isn’t intended to spark your self-critic into action, nor to suggest that your fears serve no purpose.

Our fears serve a purpose for us – they’re a part of our journey. We move past them when we’re ready.

Wherever you’re at right now – it’s exactly where you’re meant to be.

But…

…and this:

 Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be smarter.
Someone will always be younger.
But they will never be you.
~ Unknown.  

Note:  The jury seems to be out on to whom the above quote should be attributed. Some say it was Freddie Mercury, others Diana Flores, yet others Tanni Sattar. So I’m going with ‘Unknown’ figuring that’s safest in this case. 😉   

The world needs you just as you are.

A few related pieces of writing around fear and worry:

On falling in love with our fears
On worrying less
On finding our way through chaos

Media recommendations:

• Check out Mel Robbins’ podcast (1hr) – on How to Get Confident, Beat your Insecurities, and Overcome Fear – if those topics are of interest to you. The link is to the YouTube video version, but an audio-only version can be found on Spotify or wherever you get podcasts. Are you alive but not really living? Interesting contemplation that’s put forward, along with many more thought-provoking perspectives.

Session info:

Regular session availability will resume at the end of August. In the meantime if you’re looking for a session, reach out directly and we’ll find a time to set something up.

Hello friends!

For anyone who might need this reminder:
It’s always darkest before the dawn. ~Florence and the Machine, lyric in the song Shake it Out (although first used by English theologian Thomas Fuller in 1650)

This week’s message:

There’s a fine balance…

…between being fully present in this moment, letting go of any thoughts of the past or future – & – planning for something that will happen sometime down the road, or enjoying memories.

…between knowing that the full array of emotions are available to us and acceptable for us to feel including displeasure about our current experience – & – finding value in looking for something positive or beneficial about our present experience – location, mindset, approach, the people we’re with, and so on.

…between feeling unhappy for a time – & – trusting that we will feel happier and find something we enjoy just around the corner.

…between being disappointed by seeing rain instead of sun – & – knowing the rain is necessary moisture for growth and cooling.

And it’s OK if we find ourselves oscillating from one side of the ‘&’ to the other at various times.

Some related pieces of writing:

• A personal story about an unexpected opportunity – a fork in the road that I never would have predicted.
• Here’s one with some suggestions to help buoy us up if we find ourselves in a rough patch.
• This piece is about finding our way out of the ‘canyons’ in which we sometimes find ourselves.
• This one offers a reminder that we are always supported through a difficult time.
• Here are some approaches one could take when things haven’t worked out as desired.
• And this is a reminder that gratitude and discontentment can coexist.

Media recommendations:

• I stumbled upon a podcast, Inner Cosmos with neuroscientist David Eagleman, and this episode titled – Do people experience different realities? – might be worth checking out. It includes some really interesting research about synaesthesia, which is a crossover of sensory perceptions, such as:  hearing a certain type of music that sparks a person to see a certain colour, or a taste that is always connected to a certain shape, and so on.
• Some ideas in this article on why it’s common for introverts to find it easier to be clear in writing vs. sharing their thoughts verbally.

Hello friends!

The past is always with us, the trick is not to let it obstruct the road ahead. ~Mae’s dad in Feel Good, S2 Ep5.

This week’s message:

Letting our past inform our present – is important.

Not letting our past hold us back – is critical.

Continuing to bring ourselves back to the present moment as often as we can – is key to steering clear of getting stuck in the past.

~ Noticing where we are, what’s around us right now – helps.

~ Identifying whom we can we reach out to for connection, or honouring that we need some solitary time to reflect inward and feel the need to say ‘no’ to plans – supports this.

~ Finding what we can do in this moment, what action we can take, or what rest we need – keeps us in the moment.

Here are two related pieces around our relationship with the past and present – here and also here.

More writing:

On recognizing your worth – how often we look to others for validation.

On intuition – it’s a gateway to everywhere else and nowhere else.

Media recommendations:

My Life After Death, by Erik Medhus with Elisa Medhus, MD. I really enjoyed this audiobook several years ago, and it gave me a sense of peace and opened me up to possibilities around death. It’s the description of one person’s experience in the afterlife as channeled through a medium. Whether you choose to believe such an account could be true, or you look for a way to explain it away as impossible and just made up – if such a topic piques your interest perhaps it might spark some contemplation.

The Art of Living and Dying, by Osho. Questions, answers and stories relating to our mortality. I loved it, but as with many books in my world – I actually made it only about halfway through a few years ago, likely getting derailed onto some other book that caught my eye. But I was drawn to share it today, and after pulling it off the shelf to peek at it, it’s back again on my bedside table to catch up and read further.

Hello friends!

Here are two valuable messages I heard this week:

Human beings are never going to be perfect. The best we can do is to keep asking for help and accepting it when you can. And if you keep on doing that, you’ll always be moving towards better. ~Leslie Higgins, character in Ted Lasso, S3 Ep12

Nothing will stop you from being creative so effectively as the fear of making a mistake. The very essence of playfulness is an openness to anything that may happen – the feeling that whatever happens, it’s okay. ~John Cleese

Speaking of fear, here’s a reminder to trust 😉 (see image)…

This week’s message:

A reminder about those we encounter in our travels:

Each of us resonates at our own frequency, and not easily with everyone.

When someone doesn’t resonate with us – we don’t get along, or we notice resistance – it doesn’t mean that there is anything ‘wrong’ with either one of us, or that either must change.

It’s possible that neither person will ever suit the other – it just might not be a fit.

Or it might only be temporary – this lack of connection.

Each one of us is always in the process of growth and in the midst of experiences that are shaping us.

Perhaps sometime down the road, our energy or theirs will have shifted such that we connect with each other more seamlessly and find common ground.

Neither of us is ‘further along than’ or ‘behind’ the other in a sense of competition or a race.

Our paths are not necessarily linear, and with some folks our paths are meant to intersect only briefly before we move on. 

Some related pieces of writing:

a reminder to trust your unique choices,

on comparing ourselves to others whose lives seem ‘better’ or more exciting,

you’re not like anyone else,

as well as where people’s responses and reactions are rooted.

Media recommendations:

A short one this week:  1min30sec clip of John Cleese on fear and creativity which I believe is part of a longer 37min speech of his of which I’ve only watched part so far, but it might be worth checking out if it piques your interest.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend and week ahead!

Hello friends!

I discovered this image (below) that I created a couple of years ago. If I were to recreate it today, it might read more like this:

Joy is like buried treasure right beneath our feet, and we have all the tools we need to uncover it.

Sometimes we fumble, though, or don’t know which tool to use, so it takes awhile to excavate it.

But – a little like an archaeological find that’s partially revealed due to years of exposure to wind and rain and other environmental conditions – observations and experiences often reveal joy to us along the way too, quite unexpectedly.

It’s the tiny revelations – the small glimpses – that point us in the right direction and show us where to explore further. They offer us places to begin brushing away a little more of what has been keeping it hidden for so long.

…however, that would likely be far too many words to fit on the image. 😉

This week’s message:   

Some questions to ponder:

• How often do we prevent ourselves from experiencing the contentment in a moment by wondering whether it will last?  – by worrying and presuming that it won’t last?  – or by judging ourselves for not having found our way here before now? 

• How many times do we borrow ‘bad’ feelings from some uncertain point in the future – imagining how it might feel to experience the absence of this ‘good thing’ or ‘good feeling’ – ruining our enjoyment of the current experience?

• How much do we judge or criticize ourselves for not having found our way to this feeling before now? – or assessing that there’s still much more to do, continuing to be dissatisfied with our progress in some way? 

I still find myself slipping into these habits sometimes. Here are some things I might do when I notice it:

• bring myself back to the present moment, noticing what I’m taking in through the five senses; 

• redirect my attention toward a creative visualization in my mind’s eye – a helpful distraction; 

• remind myself to release the thoughts and presumptions of what might happen tomorrow for tomorrow – since there is nothing to be done today about tomorrow’s imagined problem; 

• trust that things always work out – because some way, somehow they always do; 

• remember that we never know where we’ll be or what our life will hold down the road; so, we very well might find ourselves in an even more supportive environment than we’re in right now – and feel stronger, more confident and capable, and simply better-placed within ourselves – to deal with any change that does happen to arise later on.

 A few related pieces of writing:  this one, and this too, as well as this piece.

 More writing:

On self-improvement – maybe there’s no such thing

On noticing the good things – and how good things coming to others are necessarily different than the good things coming our way

 Media recommendations: 

• The Oprah interview of Michelle Obama on Netflix about her new book The Light We Carry is a really inspirational, authentic and genuine conversation – I really enjoyed it. 

• Gretchen Rubin, author and happiness researcher, has a new book – Life in Five Senses, How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World. I’m keen to read it – it’s focused on tuning in to what we notice through the five senses as a factor in happiness. Here’s her recent interview on Armchair Expert podcast – but she has her own podcast, too, called Happier. All are things you might wish to check out if this topic piques your interest.

Hello friends!

I recently heard this said about anger:

You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone’s face, but there’s a third option:  you can just let it go. And only when you do that is it really gone and you can move on. ~Ted, on the show How I Met Your Mother, S4 Ep6.

I suppose, then, the question is:  how do we let go of our anger?

While I don’t have a simple answer to that, I’m reminded that when we’re angry at someone or something, we might actually be feeling…

~unhappy, upset, or impatient with ourselves beneath it all, as an undercurrent to any prevailing situation or interaction, and/or

~fearful about an unfavourable outcome that might arise from the current situation, and/or

~insecure or uncertain about – or foreseeing an inconvenience to be caused by – what might be required of us in order to handle the possible outcome, and/or

~triggered in some way.

So, this cartoon and its message (below) seemed fitting. Its simplicity and gentle message seems to serve as a sort of balm or salve. I found it on this lovely Instagram page @lousydrawingsforgoodpeople with many other thoughtful messages and drawings.

This week’s message:

Although films, shows, books, and even our friends sharing their own stories – offer up explanations for why people have done what they’ve done or said what they’ve said that are often simple, cut-and-dried, and straightforward:  they did/said [x] because of [y].

Often it’s for brevity’s sake that such simple explanations are used, or perhaps it’s done presumptively or dismissively, or through ignorance or an unwillingness to look deeper. But regardless of why, an oversimplification of what’s behind a decision can spark us to believe there’s only one singular reason for an action.

But we’re all more complex than that.

Usually far more goes into our choices.

The things a person does or says often have a combination of factors at play. There’s our past experiences and conditioning, there are beliefs and stories and assumptions, likely some fear – and so much more – unique to each person and what they’ve encountered on their journey so far.

I invite each of us to remember this when we look for a reason behind someone’s actions, perhaps extending a little more compassion to them (and ourselves) for all that contributes to the decisions that are made – whether we like them or not.

Related pieces of writing here and also here.  

More writing:

On changing to how we react – it can take time.

On finding fault – how focusing on resolving the issue at hand can be more valuable.

Media recommendations:

Being Peace, by Thich Nhat Hanh. A lovely little book, originally published in 1987 – apparently one of his first books published in the US. Full of short stories and ideas such that one can just open to a random page and read a little, and find inspiration and thought-provoking ideas. I found this gem in a second-hand bookstore (though you can order it online or listen through Audible) and it has become my favourite of his books.

Hello friends!

I often find myself reminded of how easily we can jump to conclusions and assume the worst – of others, of situations, of experiences, of what might happen, of what has happened, of [fill in the blank]. But when we begin to offer others the benefit of the doubt with more regularity, it can become a more reflexive practice, and it can pave the way to more peace for ourselves and everyone involved.

This week’s message:   
We are bombarded with concepts and advice – from how to interact with others, to ‘better’ ways to approach aspects of our daily life and relationships, to whether we should/shouldn’t do something – you name it, someone has an opinion or a so-called ‘best-practice’ or a ‘this is how it is’ message for us.

Whether we see them in magazines, on social media or YouTube videos, hear them on podcasts, or stumble upon inspirational quotes written on chalkboards in front of our favourite café – it’s tempting to believe that whoever coined the message knows more than we do. And because the message is often spoken with great conviction, or on a public platform, or by someone with many ‘followers’ or fans – we might think that they must be right.

Sometimes such messages resonate and do feel ‘right’ – but sometimes they don’t. Here are some of my reflections around this topic:   assumptions we can make about those who speak with much conviction, a reminder to not blindly follow what others say, how others are not always right – and this one on mixed messages relating to spirituality.

The irony isn’t lost on me that I, too, offer messages – perhaps a different perspective or approach, or simply reminders of things you really already know. I endeavour to steer clear of telling anyone ‘how it is’ or giving direction, though I probably miss the mark from time to time. I prefer to float ideas and possibilities – which anyone can certainly take or leave. There are no absolutes.

So, I challenge and remind all of us to consider carefully the advice and messages we are offered each day – and discern what makes sense for us, which might differ from what our neighbour values and finds to be true for themselves. I invite you to consider messages shared by others (including those shared by me 😉 ), and allow them to spark contemplation. Take from them what is of value to you – which might simply be to consider and reflect on your own perspective and beliefs – that are very different from what was shared.

More writing:

On priorities – inviting you to consider where there may be incongruence between your priorities and actions.

On how we view being rejected – how rejection is also success.

On the subtleness of intuitive messages – they’re not revolutionary or completely new.

Media recommendations:
~Simon Sinek. I rediscovered him recently – a great speaker and author on finding our purpose, finding our ‘why.’ His focus is largely on business and leadership, but what he shares is relatable to so many other areas of our life. Here are links to two interviews I enjoyed:  he opens up about loneliness and the reason why you’re not succeeding – which are both over 1.5hr long. But if you google him you’ll likely find many more, including some shorter snippets.

Hello friends!

Reflecting on communication…

This week’s message:   

‘Why not give ourselves a break for once.’ ~Sharon Salzberg, author and Buddhist meditation teacher.

Consider honouring your needs and creating space for a break – whatever ‘break’ means to you, and in whatever way you’re able to make time for one.

• Perhaps you read the word ‘break’ and think of an excursion or an even longer getaway – an escape from your usual routine, but that seems out of reach right now. Could a few minutes of retreat or inward focus suffice, instead? Could a larger scale more appealing ‘break’ be planned?
• Does giving yourself a ‘break’ mean shifting away from criticizing yourself and your progress, and toward noticing favourable attributes of yourself and your achievements – however minor you may find them to be?
• Does ‘break’ mean reaching out and making a connection with someone?
• Does it refer to rest? Or does it mean getting a little fresh air or exercise instead?  

Inviting you to fill your own cup a little more in a way that feels right to you.

Writing:

On getting through rough times – finding ways to feel connected

On holding space – and a few challenges one can experience around communication

Media recommendations:

• I stumbled upon a Netflix documentary Abstract: the Art of Design focusing on the artist and illustrator Christoph Niemann (his website here). He’s done over 20 New Yorker covers and has some really eye-catching pieces – each with a unique perspective. Though I didn’t get too far with the documentary itself, it sparked me to look him up. Perhaps one could consider art to be an expression of – or even an extension of – our intuition. An artist can seem to connect in some invisible way to those who appreciate what they’ve created, and – just like intuitive messages shared with others where not everyone finds the same resonance – each artistic creation is uniquely valuable to those for whom it clicks.

Hello friends!

Some questions to consider:

~ What if everything is working out and unfolding exactly as it’s meant to?

~ What if what’s around the corner for each of us is something that, once seen and experienced, will offer us the ‘a-ha!’ moment of realization that our present experience – even if challenging – is actually serving a valuable purpose for us?

This week’s message:   

• Overthinking is the dubious luxury of those with too much time to do it. … We delude ourselves that we are doing our due diligence, but mostly we are just treading water in a perfectly heated pool of laziness, comfort, and fear. … You can’t study the map forever. At some point you have to start walking – there’s only so much daylight. … When you’re stuck, the best thing you can do is start walking. Let’s get on with this! ~Rob Lowe in his memoir, Love Life.

What are you overanalyzing? What are you stuck thinking about – your thoughts spinning around, leaving you in analysis paralysis?

While we benefit from some logical assessment of a situation, as well as quieting the mind to hear our intuition – making a choice and taking action can spark even more intuitive messages, ideas, and guidance to be revealed to us.

We know what direction is right for us – we really do, deep down – even if we think and say we’re still ‘trying to decide.’

Get quiet for a moment, and ask yourself the question, even say it out loud:  ‘What do I know is the right move forward about [x situation]?’ – without leaving any time to think of an answer, just say the first answer that comes to you. Notice how it feels in your body – does it feel accurate? Or – are you saying something that you think ‘should’ be the ‘right’ answer?

Can you let go of a little of the ‘figuring out’ and take a small step in a direction that feels right?

I invite you to be curious about what that action step reveals to you.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On learning the hard way – and the value of it.

On finding our way forward – and sometimes that means staying still for awhile.

On how supportive messages can be unhelpful – on finding our own unique way to feeling better.

Older pieces of writing I reshared this past week:

On difficult interactions – it’s ok if you’re not over it yet.

On resistance being futile – the value of that Star Trek/Borg reference as it relates to accepting what is.

Media recommendations:

• Recently I listened to Rob Lowe’s two memoirs in audiobook format – Stories I Only Tell My Friends (2012) and Love Life (2014). Some of his experiences in his 4+ decades in Hollywood are so incredible they’re almost unbelievable, along with a number of surprising near-misses and crises-averted. If you’re interested in his reflection on his own life, thoughtful comments on family, relationships, and simply connection to others, as well as acting and show-business of course – I highly recommend both of them. Also, he narrates the audiobooks, himself, which makes them that much better. 😉

Hello friends!

Reminder: what others say and do, what they think – even if it’s in response to something you’ve said or done – is really about them, not you. It’s reflective of what’s going on for them at that moment.

I wrote about this recently and I’ve written about it before as I find it so valuable to remember.

Here are a few of these pieces of writing – this recent one, another one, this one too, and one more.

This week’s message:   
No matter what happened in the past, this is a new moment to start fresh.

I invite you to release your tight grasp – even if just for a few moments here and there – on what might be the impact of what was (or wasn’t) said or done, or simply what ‘might have been’ had things gone differently – the circuitous thinking, the wondering and worrying about the past and what that might mean for the future.

Know that what you have is now.

Actions of the past might come up, be brought forward, or resurface somehow, but there is no value in holding fears and worries in this present moment as though spinning a top or yo-yo in your mind – hoping, willing, desperate for a solution to arise for what is still only an imagined problem.

And even if a problem is known, trust that a solution tends to reveal itself when you take your attention away from it and allow your subconscious – indeed, your intuition – to work its magic.

Writing:

On changing directions – it’s OK to adjust your goals.

On taking others’ guidance with a grain of salt – and trusting your own intuition.

On feeling stuck – and looking for a sign or message.

Media recommendations:
~Podcast: Another excerpt of an Armchair Expert podcast for you – the Rick Rubin episode has some wonderful commentary on meditation and focus, problem-solving and creativity, discipline, freedom, mistakes and perfection in this little 12 min segment – from 1:06:08 to 1:18:36 (1hr 6min 8sec  to 1hr 18min 36sec)

~Book:  Untethered Soul, Michael A. Singer. A wonderful book on exploring who we are in relation to our thoughts and emotions. I recommend it.  

Hello friends!

A valuable reminder:  Nothing in the world can bother you as much as your own mind, I tell you. In fact, others seem to be bothering you, but it is not others. It is your own mind. ~ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

This week’s message:  

• Try adding “…and I love that!” to every fear-based thought you have. “I’m worried that I might forget what to say in that big meeting – and I love that!”  “I might be wrong – and I love that!” It might feel awkward at first, but I invite you to try it – give it an earnest effort – and see how it feels. I’d forgotten about this, but I’m bringing it back as a practice for myself, as well.I can’t take credit for this recommendation, though. A great book I read several years ago – I Hope I Screw This Up, by Kyle Cease (link further below) – has been coming into my awareness in the past week. I finally went to find it on my bookshelf and opened it up tonight to a random page in the middle of the book. The page to which I opened it is where he shares the suggestion above, and explains how doing this acknowledges the fear, really embraces it and gives it love, and lets us move on. It offers us a new way to approach those things we fear. Remember:  fear and excitement exhibit similar physiological symptoms in our bodies. Could this approach possibly help us shift some of our fear to excitement?

Here’s a piece I wrote about Kyle’s perspective on fear way back in 2018 after reading his book.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On the calmness that is our true nature – and some ways to access it.

On finding ease in the moment – a valuable positive feedback loop of thinking.

Older pieces that came up this past week:

On not always believing that others are correct – and trusting your own inner wisdom.

On how so often we notice deficiency – even when viewing something favourable in our lives.

Media recommendations:

• As mentioned above, the book I Hope I Screw This Up, by Kyle Cease turns our typical approach to fear on its head. Highly recommend.
• Our Elisha and Carla Musing podcast continues to be on hiatus, but here are two links to previous episodes. In these ones we chat about Living with Purpose, and Guilt. You can also find them on Spotify or wherever you get podcasts – just search ‘Elisha and Carla’ and you’ll find us. 😉

Hello friends!

A valuable reminder:  Nothing in the world can bother you as much as your own mind, I tell you. In fact, others seem to be bothering you, but it is not others. It is your own mind. ~ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

This week’s message:  

• Try adding “…and I love that!” to every fear-based thought you have. “I’m worried that I might forget what to say in that big meeting – and I love that!”  “I might be wrong – and I love that!” It might feel awkward at first, but I invite you to try it – give it an earnest effort – and see how it feels. I’d forgotten about this, but I’m bringing it back as a practice for myself, as well.I can’t take credit for this recommendation, though. A great book I read several years ago – I Hope I Screw This Up, by Kyle Cease (link further below) – has been coming into my awareness in the past week. I finally went to find it on my bookshelf and opened it up tonight to a random page in the middle of the book. The page to which I opened it is where he shares the suggestion above, and explains how doing this acknowledges the fear, really embraces it and gives it love, and lets us move on. It offers us a new way to approach those things we fear. Remember:  fear and excitement exhibit similar physiological symptoms in our bodies. Could this approach possibly help us shift some of our fear to excitement?Here’s a piece I wrote about Kyle’s perspective on fear way back in 2018 after reading his book.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On the calmness that is our true nature – and some ways to access it.

On finding ease in the moment – a valuable positive feedback loop of thinking.

Older pieces that came up this past week:

On not always believing that others are correct – and trusting your own inner wisdom.

On how so often we notice deficiency – even when viewing something favourable in our lives.

Media recommendations:

• As mentioned above, the book I Hope I Screw This Up, by Kyle Cease turns our typical approach to fear on its head. Highly recommend.
• Our Elisha and Carla Musing podcast continues to be on hiatus, but here are two links to previous episodes. In these ones we chat about Living with Purpose, and Guilt. You can also find them on Spotify or wherever you get podcasts – just search ‘Elisha and Carla’ and you’ll find us. 😉

Hello friends!

Getting quiet is the best way to notice the ideas, solutions and messages that come to you through your intuition.

This week’s message:  

Inspirational quotes often tell us that our true nature is joy, that happiness is within, and that it’s an ‘inside job’ – not to be found anywhere external to us. But hearing this can sometimes spark feelings of self-blame or confusion, as though it were our own fault for not finding this happiness within us and not feeling able to shine brightly everyday: ‘If it’s within me already, why can’t I find it?’ ‘Why am I not happy if this is my natural state?’’ Well, while the joy IS there, it IS within us, it’s likely covered up with layers of thoughts, experiences, beliefs, fears – things that might eventually be well-served to be cleared away. But right now, though, at this moment they’re still there and might be holding us back from feeling as ‘good’ as we’d like. That’s just how it is.

Blaming ourselves for not feeling joyful despite the many things weighing us down in our heart and mind is like blaming a window for being dirty – it’s not the window’s fault. And it’s not our fault either, nor is it the fault of the person who cut us off in traffic, the person we feel ‘wronged’ us or criticized us, or the situation that has befallen us. We’re all just trying to see as clearly as possible through the ‘window’ to our world, and we might struggle sometimes more than others to see through the blur – having been impacted in various ways by experiences along our journey. From time to time we might become aware of something specific that is obscuring our ‘view’ and we’ll feel called to address it, work through it, clear it – and perhaps a little more of our joy will be revealed. This might come about spontaneously, quite out-of-the-blue as an a-ha moment, or through therapy, or talking with a trusted confidante, or maybe when we’re in solitude, in nature – or at any time.

I invite you to offer yourself a little more acceptance and compassion than usual. Remind yourself that you’re not ‘supposed’ to be happier or have more things figured out – or be any other way than you are right now.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On trusting that things are OK in each moment – how that helps us feel more comfortable in our own skin

On repetition – how we all need to hear things a few times before they sink in

On being authentic – allowing others to be drawn to us rather than trying to fit in

On taking a pause from the issue at hand – whether for a moment or awhile

Media recommendations:

• While our Elisha and Carla Musing podcast is still on hiatus, here are two links to episodes from last Fall:  on Anger from Oct 10, and on Forgiveness from Oct 1. You can also find them on Spotify or wherever you get podcasts – just search ‘Elisha and Carla’ and you’ll find us. 😉

Hello friends!

I thought of starting this email with something along the lines of – ‘I hope this message finds you well’ – but somewhere along my spiritual journey (if you want to call it that) I heard that using the word ‘hope’ is not the best word to use in reference to the outcomes we want, because the word ‘hope’ holds equally the vision and possibility of an unfavourable outcome – the one that we don’t want.

While I’m not completely sold on this idea – since I think there’s value and importance in being aware of and acknowledging various possible outcomes to a situation or activity and not blindly focusing only on the favourable one – this idea has stuck with me. Perhaps it’s simply the power of suggestion, but I do think twice before I use the word ‘hope’ or its derivatives, occasionally adjusting a sentence a little in order to use a different word, maybe swapping it out with a word like ‘trust.’ ‘Trust’ has a bit more confidence, firmness, strength to it – don’t you think?  ‘I trust that…’ holds more of an ‘I know it to be true’ kind of vibe, vs. the somewhat pleading energy of ‘I hope that…’

That said, I’m reminded that words are just combinations of letters and sounds put together in a certain way to convey a meaning, but what meaning each word holds will vary a little for everyone who hears it or reads it. The person conveying the message might mean one thing, but each person receiving it, how they understand it, what they feel – all of these things are wrapped up in the filter through which they view and interpret the world.

Whether or not you think the word ‘hope’ brings along its more unfavourable shadow, perhaps allow this to simply be a spark for you to tune in a little more to how the words you use feel as you write them or speak them – and consider adjusting them occasionally to get a little more creative, thoughtful, and intentional – meanwhile going easy on yourself, not expecting perfection either.

Whatever it is we want to do, change, or adjust – remember that it’s not too late.

This week’s message:  

• Follow the nudges you receive. Trust that they are leading you somewhere wonderful. Be curious. But also go easy on yourself. Any nudges that you miss or ignore or didn’t feel ready to follow – that was exactly how things were meant to play out and you did not miss anything. There is no need to be hard on yourself. More opportunities are coming your way, and you’ll follow the ones that feel right – and that will be the exact path for you.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On staying focused on your value – and away from self-criticism.

On spiritual guidance and where it comes from – floating some ideas.

On going a little easier on yourself – some contemplation.

On treating ourselves a little better – a variation of the ‘golden rule.’

Media recommendations:

• Podcast episode recommendation:  almost 6 months old now, the Smartless episode with Steve Carell from Oct ’22 is a great one. I even included a few quotes from it in this piece I wrote last Fall around courage.
• Book/audio book: The Happiness Equation, by Neil Pasricha. I listened to this as an audiobook probably 3 years ago and found value in it. Although it was awhile ago, it just popped into my mind as I was contemplating this section, so thought to share it.

Hello friends!

Remember:  what you have to say has value. Perhaps its value is in sharing it with another, or perhaps it’s simply valuable to write it down or say it in a voice note to yourself to get it out of the swirl of your thoughts. You will always be a little more knowledgeable, a little wiser and a little more well-spoken tomorrow – but today is what you have right now, in your midst.

This week’s message:  

• THE LESS we feel we ‘should’ be a certain way – are concerned with how we look or how we’re coming across in an interaction, whether we’re appearing the way we aspire to or the way we think someone else would prefer, or how we think we might be measuring up to the person with whom we’re speaking or the environment we’re in – THE MORE we are able to focus on the task at hand, on the person to whom we’re interacting, the conversation we’re having, or the information we’re being given, and the more authentic and genuine we will feel. This authenticity will be felt by others. The genuine ‘you’ – the real you – is valued and the one the world needs. Remind yourself of this when you find yourself questioning whether you fit in or are accepted.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On worrying less and it’s physical impact – some reminders on trust as the antidote to worry.

On the value of small interactions – reminders to consider the small successes we might dismiss far too quickly.

On life as an experiment – letting ourselves off the hook from attempting a flawless performance each day.

On anger – an excerpt from Lion’s Roar, Nov 2022 magazine with some thoughts on anger.

On comparison and envy – can we shift these things away from feeling less-than to inspiring us in some way?

Media recommendations:

• Book/audiobook Chatter: The Voice In Our Head and How to Harness it, by Ethan Kross. Not quite finished the audio version, but really enjoying it. Exploring the inner chatter and self-talk we have, and identify how it impacts us – with specific stories interwoven through it. So much in this one, it might be worth a look or listening to an excerpt to see if it piques your interest.
• A film I’ve loved since I first watched it in 2001, and just saw it again recently on a plane: Amélie.  A French film with a cute, unique and offbeat story, stunning set design, cinematography and direction. Amelie’s spark of enthusiasm, her kindness, her perspective on the world, and her observations and interpretations of what’s happening around her, but also how a little fear holds her back from being seen. If you’re ok with subtitles, maybe you’d like it too. (Apparently it’s available on Apple TV, or coming April 1 to Disney+, at least so says google. 😉

Hello friends!

I felt called to pull a book from the shelf tonight and open it to a certain page to find a message – something I haven’t done for months. Here’s what I found:

• Forgiveness is necessary for inner peace. If there are people from your past you hold a grudge against, or feel negatively towards, you can – in a few minutes – forgive them and let go. If someone hasn’t returned your call or letter, owes you something or hurt you badly, you will clear your own energy if you forgive, let go and detach. Inner peace means releasing attachments to anything – to having a person act the way you want or to having the world work the way you expect. When you let go of those attachments, you will find your life working even better than you could have expected or planned. ~Sanaya Roman, in her book Living with Joy, page 117.

This week’s message – another short one this week:  

• You are manifesting a good outcome through your sense of calm about the situation, not through your franticness. Trust. Go with the flow. Just try – and be imperfect. 

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On feeling the feelings – no matter how much inner work we’ve done or how spiritually connected we feel that we are, we don’t necessarily go through everything with ease.

On following our sparks of enthusiasm – how it doesn’t always lead to the result we think we’re being guided toward.

On accepting a positive shift – we don’t need to dwell in the why or how or whether it will last.

On reading positive messages yet still judging ourselves harshly – some reminders if you find yourself doing this.

A media recommendation:

• I enjoyed the Ethan Hawke Hollywood Masters interview on Netflix from 2017. Although I watched it about a year ago, it popped into my mind to share today – a great little 30min watch. He shares his perspective on everything from spirituality to the value of connection with others, all woven through his thoughtful sharing about his own life and experiences. No link available, but if you’re interested – just search in Netflix for ‘Hollywood Masters’ then look in Season 1 for the Ethan Hawke episode.

Hello friends!

I read this quote recently and had to share it – such an important reminder for all of us:

It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any. ~Hugh Laurie, actor, comedian.

This week’s message – a short one:  

Trust. Trust in the unfolding of life, however it comes. Allow this trust to fuel some excitement for the future. 

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On how we find some things easier to believe in than others – inviting contemplation.

On leaning in to whatever is happening – trusting there is meaning and value in wherever we are.

On impatience with others – remembering that not everyone is as proficient at the same things.

On feeling snubbed – and how it’s rarely about us, and rarely even intentional.

Two podcast episode recommendations:

Don’t Ask Tig, the Abby Wambach episode. Loved this. Abby (retired soccer player, coach) is so down to earth and well-spoken, and she shares with Tig her experience around becoming a step-parent among many other things – and together they offer answers to some interesting listener/advice questions. Great comments and perspectives – I enjoyed it.

Armchair Expert, the Dr. Sue Johnson episode – Dr. Sue Johnson is from England originally, but now lives in BC! A researcher, author, and couples therapist, shares great insights around communication and relating to each other. I’ll be listening to this one again as I was a bit distracted the first time – but even so I picked up enough to know.

Hello friends!

If you’ve been comparing yourself to others lately, feeling behind or inferior or ‘not quite as good as’ someone else – remember that they’re on their own journey with their own learning experiences to go through – and you’re on yours. Trust your own journey:  it’s all unfolding for you, and leading to things you cannot even conceive of at this point. Later it will become clear that you had to go through this current valley of challenges to get to the next peak.

This week’s message:  

If you’re working hard at something and feeling that you’re continually coming up short – whether it’s by not meeting someone else’s expectations or your own – let me remind you that you are so much more than what you do, more than any of your actions or words, more than any goals or accomplishments.

Simply you being you brings someone else joy, makes another person feel better, and brings an energy to the world as a whole that makes it a little lighter and a little richer in quality. You’ll likely never know the depth of the value you bring, nor will you know all those who are positively impacted by you, but you will benefit from trusting that this is a fact.  

While you might be seeing only your shortcomings right now, someone else sees you and finds inspiration, motivation, or simply feels a little happier, a little more comforted, and a little less alone – knowing that you’re in this world.  

By trusting this, you’re letting a glimpse, a glimmer, a tiny spark of light into your awareness. Allow it to bring you out of the feeling of overwhelm, or fear, or feeling that you’re not doing ‘it’ quite right and into the brightness of your value and place in this world, even if you can’t quite define it.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On those signs you wonder if you’ve missed – you actually haven’t missed any of them. Anything you missed just wasn’t meant for you at that time.

On thinking ahead to future ‘what ifs’ and ‘what about whens’ – how it’s a thief of joy. Plus, here’s another related piece from last year.

Two pieces I wrote awhile back that came up this week: 

On not being where you thought you’d be at this point in your life.

On ruminating about how you might have been perceived by others in an interaction or situation.

We’ll be back with new episodes of the Elisha and Carla Musing podcast in a few more weeks – I’ll keep you posted.

As a reminder, all 23 episodes we’ve done so far are here – or wherever you get podcasts like Spotify, etc. just search ‘Elisha and Carla’ and you’ll find us.

Some other media recommendations:

• The Phil Stutz documentary on Netflix – I think it’s a must-watch, and it’s one I’ll be rewatching. Jonah Hill talks to therapist Phil Stutz who shares many gems – concepts that help us understand ourselves a little better, and move through life and approach challenges in our daily lives with a little more ease.
  • Here’s the link to the trailer (depending on your settings, sound might start up right away when you click this link) – Stutz:  A Film by Jonah Hill.

• If you’re a podcast listener, Phil Stutz also visited Dax and Monica on Armchair Expert Podcast – here’s the link to that episode which was a great one.

• Surviving Death is a 6-part series that came out a couple years ago on Netflix – looking at people’s beliefs and experiences around mediumship, channelling, near death experiences, and so on. It’s thought-provoking and worth a watch if these topics are of interest. The episodes aren’t sequential so can be watched independently of each other, and I recommend Episode 1 on Near Death Experiences, and Episode 6 on Reincarnation.
  • Here’s the link to the trailer (depending on your settings, sound might start up right away when you click this link) – Surviving Death.

Hello friends!

The following quote struck me as valuable to share with you. It’s in alignment with much of my writing, and I find this perspective brings a little more ease to how we view life’s challenges:

Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called ‘the love of your fate.’ Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, ‘This is what I need.’ It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment–not discouragement–you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.

Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.  ~Joseph Campbell, from the book: Reflections on the Art of Living. Found on the Facebook page Philo Thoughts.

This week’s message:  

Each night before I go to sleep I write this question in my notebook:  what is the most important message for me tonight?  Then I write whatever comes next. Here are a few excerpts from recent nights’ messages – perhaps one will spark some resonance for you:

~ Love: simply being that and emanating that, and trusting that you’re valued.

~ Follow your joy, your excitement, your enthusiasm. If you don’t feel joy, simply follow your calling to rest. No matter the action you take, things are continuing to unfold in your favour in unexpected ways.

~ Step into your confidence. You are worthy. 

~ Choose opportunity and excitement over fear more often.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On seeing others’ lives or experiences as more exciting – some important questions to ask ourselves.

On the value of talking to someone about what’s bothering us – how important it is to feel heard.

On expectations – staying open to things working out differently than we might expect.

On not being chosen – when it happens, it’s not about our worth. Here’s another related piece from August 2022 if this topic is of interest.

Two older pieces that came up this week: 

On discouragement – suggestions that might help alleviate or prevent discouragement.

On clearing clutter – letting go of what no longer serves us.

Elisha and Carla Musing podcast:

No new episodes to share as we’ve taken a break for about two weeks. Our next one will likely be posted after the weekend of Feb 18^th.

Scroll through all our episodes here and perhaps you’ll find one that piques your interest. Wherever you get podcasts like Spotify, etc. just search ‘Elisha and Carla’ and you’ll find us, as well.

Hello friends!

I had to share this image of someone trying to nail down the tide. Such a wonderful visual reminder of what it’s like when we try to control things that are outside of our control, which is really – let’s face it – most things. 😉

This week’s message:  

The water’s edge in the picture above reminded me of the continual ebb and flow of life:  things come and go from our life – even people with whom we are in frequent contact for a time might not be in our lives so much at another time. Experiences and events remembered in great detail and perhaps recounted frequently at one time fall into the archives when our focus shifts; then later they’re brought into the forefront once again perhaps by something quite unexpected that sparks a resurgence of thoughts and memories. But always, the things that are of value will stay ingrained in our being, having been absorbed on a deep level. The details of experiences and conversations might become fuzzier, but trust that exactly what we needed from each moment has been integrated into our very essence. Often coming in under our radar, all the waves of life – big and small – have shaped who we are. We don’t need to remember the specifics now in order to trust that each one has added great value to our life.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On not relying on one singular thing to be the solution to what ails us – but rather trusting that many factors are usually involved in our healing.

On the fact that you’re not missing out on any message, insight, or idea from your intuition.

On what is required to tune in to your intuition or be spiritually connected – some erroneous guidance that people are often given.
On how to keep a strong foundation – even if we are the villain in someone else’s story.

On feeling guilty about things we needn’t feel bad about – questions to ask yourself when you find yourself saying ‘I feel so bad about…’ a little too much.

On finding time for the important things – a very short piece about scavenging time from one thing to give to another.

Two recent Elisha and Carla Musing podcast episodes:

Episode 22 – where we chat about past lives and reincarnation. Who knows for sure whether we come back to live another life on earth, or somewhere else, or whether we experience something else entirely? Hear us musing about these things and more as we contemplate what value learning about possible past lives might hold for us.

Episode 23 – on being open and vulnerable with others – living with an unguarded heart. Many of us put up so many barriers to protect ourselves that we live at arm’s-length from life and others. In this one we chat about how living with an unguarded heart can impact us and others in our life.

Find all of our episodes here or wherever you get podcasts (like Spotify, etc.) – just search ‘Elisha and Carla’ and you’ll find us.

I wanted to share with you the beautiful imagery in this quote from Stephen Levine in his book, A Year To Live:  I remembered that one of my teachers used to say ‘The thought of a tiger is not a tiger.’ The memory of that event is not that event, but it’s a reflection on a constantly changing surface of the mind. These images on the screen of consciousness, some refer to as a kind of gymnasium for the heart…

– Constantly changing surface of the mind. The surface of our mind does shift as time goes on, the landscape changing as we learn and grow – understanding more about ourselves, others, and the world around us.

– Images on the screen of consciousness. It is a little like our memories play out on screen in our mind’s eye, isn’t it? And sometimes they play out over and over again – like a movie that’s set on repeat.

– Gymnasium for the heart. As we remember and relive experiences we’ve had, sometimes our heart exercises the same emotions, and other times we’ve gained a newfound understanding in the meantime that allows different feelings into the mix and gives them an opportunity to gain strength.

This week’s message: Our memory of an event is not the singular truth of the event itself; it is our truth – the way we saw it, felt it, experienced it. There are multiple truths or perspectives – one belonging to each person present, each one tinted a little differently based on the filter through which that person views the world. As time goes on and experience teaches us new information and subtleties about life, our memories might take on new colours as our emotions related to the situation shift; or they might become even deeper and richer in their original colours as we continue to see things the same way, our feelings reinforced as we continue to exercise them over and over helping them to become even stronger. As other people often figure prominently in our memories, it serves us well to remember that others do and say things not because of us but because of their own feelings in each moment. The situation or circumstances, what’s been said, or even the thoughts and distractions in one’s own mind can trigger an emotion and therefore a reaction based on what they understand and believe to be true – their beliefs and knowledge accumulated through all the experiences they’ve had and what they’ve learned up to that point. As we trust this to be the case, the less we will feel at fault for, or to blame for, or that we’re the cause of others’ actions or frustrations – and the more we’re likely to experience life, and our memories, from a more peaceful place.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On looking back at cringe-y experiences – how to not be so hard on ourselves for things we’ve said and done in the past

On breaking and creating habits – things to let go of and hold onto when starting or breaking a new routine

On how we are continually changing – while we might seem the same from moment to moment, we are anything but

On being in flow with life – the divine timing of everything, how nothing is too soon or too late

On stepping off the hamster wheel of worry – some reminders to help ease ourselves out of a state of worry

On intuition being a gateway – the information that reveals itself from within

On changes happening under the surface – how our subconscious surprises us

Two of our most recent Elisha and Carla Musing podcast episodes – which might be my favourites so far:

Episode 20 – The two of us chatting about awakening

Episode 19 – The two of us chatting about gratitude

Find all of our episodes here or wherever you get podcasts like Spotify – just search ‘Elisha and Carla’ and you’ll find us.

Hello friends!

This week’s message:

When you notice that you’re being hard on yourself – your inner critic loud and overbearing – pause, and shift your focus to…

• remember others who love and care about you (even if those who come to mind have already transitioned to spirit form, I invite you to consider their love to be just as real as when they were in their physical body), and love yourself just as much and even more.
• remember compliments that have been given to you, whether recently or long ago, and give yourself even more.
• remember how you would comfort, console, or advise a dear friend or family member, and offer yourself just as much care and compassion as you would offer to that person.

The past week’s pieces of writing:

On being supported – the possible hidden value in difficult experiences, and how opportunities are always revealing themselves.

On the infinite nature of our existence – a short reflection on the continual nature of our being.

On finding our way through chaos – another very short piece, reminding you to trust your ability to handle whatever unfolds on your path.

On people who seem to need to ‘show us up’ – some things to remember when we encounter those who feel the need to tell us how great they are or how much more they know.

A recent Elisha and Carla Musing podcast episode:

Episode 21 – In this one we chat about channelling:  what does that word mean?  Who knows what it really is, for certain – but the two of us muse about it and share our own ideas.

Find all of our episodes here or wherever you get podcasts (like Spotify, etc.) – just search ‘Elisha and Carla’ and you’ll find us.