IF WE APPLY FOR SOMETHING AND AREN’T CHOSEN, whether it’s a program, a job, a competition of some kind – it can be disappointing and spark feelings of discouragement.
Even if we get feedback about why we weren’t selected, no matter how constructive or kind, we might feel down on ourselves and our abilities, and our self-critic might still grow louder telling us there’s something inherently wrong with us.
I INVITE YOU TO TURN THE IDEA OF ‘SUCCESS’ UPSIDE DOWN:
Instead of seeing yourself as not having been successful, or that there’s something ‘wrong’ with you, experiment with seeing this outcome as, in fact, a successful outcome…
~You were SUCCESSFUL at not being selected – because it’s how things are meant to unfold at this time.
~You SUCCEEDED at not being selected – because the universe has other plans for you that don’t include this, at least not right now.
This might help you to see that it’s actually great news (not bad news) because there is something different, and even better, in store for you.
[A wonderful friend offered me this shift in perspective recently and I found it incredibly helpful.🙏☺️]
While it can be challenging to shift toward this line of thinking when we’ve had our heart set on something, it can be a valuable lifeline to help pull ourselves out of crevasse of self-criticism when things don’t go the way we wanted.
As Shakespeare wrote – and one of my favourite quotes: ‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’ (Hamlet)
We have the power to choose how we view things: we can choose to dwell on how something is ‘bad’ or we can choose to change our perspective to see it as something actually quite ‘good’ for us.
Give it a try. See how you feel.
Then, after feeling and acknowledging the emotions, take a few moments to explore more deeply your own ‘what’ and ‘why’ around the whole experience.
Take a deep breath, and perhaps a piece of paper or journal.
Without thinking or deliberating, simply CONSIDER WHAT COMES TO YOU RIGHT AWAY WHEN YOU ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS. Try closing your eyes as you contemplate:
~ What were my reasons for wanting this thing in the first place? Look closely.
~ What was it that I hoped to gain from it? Maybe it seems obvious, but list it out. Be specific.
~ Were there, perhaps, other reasons behind my choice to go for it at this time? Might it be that…
…it was more about how I thought it would look to others?
…I’m seeking someone else’s approval?
…it’s something I just thought I ‘should’ do?
These are more common than you might think. You don’t have to tell anyone, but it’s helpful for you to know. Be honest with yourself.
~ Did (and do I still) have a genuine drive and interest in this thing?
~ Did (and does it still) actually feel in alignment with my values, my interests? It’s helpful to be clear on this.
~ Do I still feel called to pursue it (or something similar) going forward?
~ Was it an old dream? One I didn’t realize had actually grown stale – yet I’ve continued to pursue it out of some sort of habit or misplaced commitment?
~ Is it someone else’s dream that I’ve taken on as my own?
You are seeking only to understand, not judge yourself.
Maybe other info will come to you.
AS YOU REFLECT ON WHAT CAME UP:
~ Do you know in your heart that it was your genuine goal? Is it still your goal?
If this is the case, can you begin to accept that it is simply not the time for this in your life right at this moment, and that the universe has other things in store for you at this time?
~ Do you feel driven, perhaps even more now, to continue working toward it and try again for it (or something similar)?
Consider what supports might help you move forward and improve in areas that might be beneficial (NOT focusing on how you are terrible at this or that – just the forward movement and learning).
~ Is it possible that, perhaps subconsciously you didn’t put your best foot forward on the application or during the competition (even though consciously you thought you had) – in light of some of your answers?
~ Has something shifted in you about the experience?
~ What is it that you DO feel called to, going forward? Consider what feels right. It might not come to you right away.
Getting quiet, and being really honest with ourselves like this helps us get clearer on what we want deep down.
And guess what? This is tuning in to your intuition. You don’t need to be all ‘woo woo’ or use certain techniques or crystals or rituals (though it’s ok if you do) – you can just ask yourself some questions and answer them from the heart.
HOW WE DISCOVER OUR WHAT OUR HEART OR INTUITION IS TELLING US – this can often be done simply by noticing that first response or inner reaction we have to a question or an idea. It’s what you feel before you think it through and deliberate to try to find the ‘right’ answer or the one that we think ‘makes sense.’
Remember: YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.