(Originally posted – Sept 20, 2019)
Hands-up, everyone who’s human!! You can’t see it but my hand is up, even though doing so had me nearly knock the lampshade off the lamp I’m sitting under. Definitely human over here. Here’s some more proof of my humanness:
Last night I took a cab from the airport after a late flight to another Canadian city. Already in the cab, enroute to the destination, I thought to double-check: You take visa, right? Figured a cab would be crazy not to have electronic payment these days but better to check. I received a grumbly response of Yes, but with a request for me to please look for cash, as it would be “really inconvenient” if he had to process a visa. I did not have cash, so inconvenient I was destined to be.
At the destination, while putting my credit card back into my wallet after paying and snapping together the clips on my bag (taking about 15-20 seconds to do this) – the cab driver said: Could you move a little faster? I asked him to repeat himself, as I wasn’t sure I’d heard that right – I had literally just paid seconds prior, and we are safely parked in a driveway – not double-parked on a major street, not holding up traffic, etc. He repeated the same thing, to which I replied: Do you mean you want me to get out of the car faster?? He said: Ya, I’d like to get back to the airport, please move faster. Now, I know that I’m tired, it’s late, and even though he did say please – I reacted. As I opened the door to exit the vehicle, somewhat out of character for me, I snapped: “Wow, I’m so glad I gave you a tip!!” I had already paid with a decent tip prior to this verbal exchange.
Almost as soon as I reacted, I felt bad. As I walked into my destination, in crept the guilt for my sarcastic comment, tempered with some justification. Basically, Guilt and Justification duked it out for a few minutes. Guilt started “shoulding”: I shouldn’t have said that, that was rude of me to have snapped. I should have been more compassionate. Why did I react like that? I could have been more kind. Meanwhile, Justification was all: but who says that to a customer – “move faster” anyway?! How rude! What if I was literally unable to move faster (arguably the case being so tired and so late). Maybe my reaction will be a wake-up call that he needs to help his customer service skills. And anyway, I’m tired, it’s late, it’s ok.
Within moments I also considered that his urgency likely came from looking out for his needs, namely money. It was midweek, how busy could a cab really be in this smaller city? Every additional second I took he probably foresaw a potential fare leaving with another cab. While it was terrible customer service (Guilt and Justification agreed on this one), I could see where it came from, and acknowledged he was just reacting out of his own experience and needs. All of this reflection happened in the span of a couple of minutes – maybe less. I know I could have been more thoughtful, kind, and reined in my reaction. I will pause next time. The wake-up call served also for myself. Interestingly, despite a lifelong tendency to go over and over previous conversations, beating myself up for having said something wrong or silly, within those few minutes, I stopped berating myself for my reaction. I stopped listening to the “shoulds” and also stopped justifying it. I didn’t even let these things impact my heart-rate, my adrenaline response – both familiar responses over years of such obsessing. I noticed myself becoming much more neutral in response, how calm I felt. What I did, was:
- forgave myself quickly for my slip into meeting his rudeness with my own;
- sent some loving energy to his higher self, and forgave him for his rudeness toward me;
- acknowledged and was grateful for my quick awareness of this situation, of my reaction, allowing myself to see a different perspective – so soon after the exchange;
- noticed my ability to let it go.
How many times I’ve heard: just let it go, just forget about it – when I would be in such a cycle in the past. But I really didn’t know how to do that. Yup, sure, I’ll let it go, I would say or think to myself. Meanwhile totally not letting it go because – what does that even mean? To truly let it go in this case was to accept that it is just a lesson, a reminder, something to jolt me subtly into being more present, but the key is without judgment of self (or others). This exchange was just meant to happen. All my subsequent noticing and acknowledging was what helped me to see my growth, how far I have come simply in my awareness, and also where I can still grow and improve. All small victories need to be acknowledged and cheered on. This is an example of really feeling and “getting” the idea of letting it go. It just is. You might say: That’s great that you can now let it go, but how did you do it? You said you used to beat yourself up about things like this, so what changed such that you didn’t do it this time? Here’s what has changed and evolved over the years. All of these things listed below combine to provide an additive effect of continued growth and help for me in overcoming lifelong hangups. All of these things are becoming more and more regular, natural parts of my life:
- Continued regular and deeper connection with my spirit guides, as well as Archangel Metatron and Lord of the Akashic Records;
- Healing modalities – Reiki, Metatronia Therapy®;
- Clearing debris – from this lifetime and past lives through Akashic Records clearing;
- Practicing – self-forgiveness, gratitude, and self-love – consciously reminding myself that I love myself;
- Growth – stepping out of my comfort zone, trying new things, and overcoming fears which continues to build confidence and strength
- Working on – limiting beliefs through yoga nidra;
- Community – creating new connections and friendships;
- Choosing – to shift focus on a situation, whether it’s bad or good is within my power to see it;
- Acknowledging – that I am not my thoughts, nor am I ruled by my thoughts, and that I can choose to shift them in any direction I choose;
- Recognizing and reminding myself – that other people’s responses are about them, not me: “It’s not personal.” Really, it’s not. It’s not about me.
…and more I can’t think of right now. You might say: This whole piece was sparked by a single sarcastic comment? Yes. Sometimes a simple act or event reminds us of our humanness, and also reminds us how far we’ve come. Being vulnerable and sharing our foibles and mistakes, as well as what worked for us might help another get out of their own way, as well. I trust this message will find its way to someone who needs it. Much love.