Recently, I LET MY MIND DRIFT FOR A MOMENT TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T REACH OUT to me, and who isn’t necessarily as close a friend as I might like them to be.
Then I remembered how often I used to let myself sink into and dwell on similar thoughts – and really let them bother me – in years gone by: friends who don’t connect with me often, people who don’t reach back when I reach out, or not as often as I’d hope, and so on.
I’m not quite sure when it changed – when I stopped dwelling on these thoughts when they came up. (But, like most things we change (or seek to change) about ourselves, it often happens slowly, over time – and not in an instantaneous way we might think or hope.)
When I reflected on it, I felt called to share these ideas about our more distant connections with others, in whatever way ‘distant’ might apply:
~ If we focus on those we are NOT connected to in the way we want to be, the number of these people will likely be great and our lament – endless.
~ By allowing our attention to dwell on those folks, we’ll miss the people who ARE connecting with us in the way that they can – however few they are.
~ It might be valuable to ask ourselves:
…am I expecting more from this person than they feel they can give?
…is it possible that their life is very full with commitments and family – and other things I know nothing about?
…might there just be a difference between how much time and effort each of us feels is necessary (or simply wants to put in) to maintain a connection such as ours?
…if our friendship is not as close as desired, is it perhaps just not meant to be that close – at least at this time? Is it possible that our connection is meant to be a little more at arm’s length right now- for reasons I know nothing about?
~ If you feel yourself going down this path of seeing the deficiency, I invite you to give-it-a-go to shift your attention toward those people to whom you ARE connected, those who show that they do care in a way that is meaningful to you – even if it is just one person.
~ Before dismissing or writing off those who don’t give you as much time or attention as you might like – remind yourself that others’ lives are often very full, and everyone is dealing with struggles others know nothing about; and some also just allocate less time in their daily life to connecting with others.
~ Tune in and acknowledge what you know, deep down: you know the people who care about you, even when your communication points are few and far between. Trust that. Allow a certain elasticity to the friendship – and know it will return at some point.
Wishing you a day of treasuring your connections with others, however few and however distant they may be. ❤