At a time when I was feeling the loss of someone who had removed themselves from my life many years ago, I met with a therapist who offered me this quote – which I have not forgotten. The ‘what I have’ could refer to an object or possession, or a relationship of any kind.
Whether someone parts ways with you unexpectedly, cuts ties with you on social media, ‘defriends’ you on facebook, or simply leaves your social sphere – losing touch with someone who had once been in your life can spark feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, or hurt.
What happened? Why did they disappear?
It is OK to feel how you feel. There is no need for judgment, for self-criticism or shoulds or supposed-tos.
There are myriad reasons why it might have happened.
Maybe they don’t resonate with your beliefs or point of view.
Perhaps – as you’ve grown and evolved in your life experience – your energy no longer resonates or vibrates in sync with them.
Perhaps their life has simply moved in a different direction from yours – and they no longer feel a connection.
Maybe, indeed, there was a misunderstanding or hurt they experienced – but their choice to cut ties rather than connect with you to resolve it is preventing repair of the relationship at this time. Only you know what feels right about resolving an outstanding issue – one that is known and not simply imagined.
Perhaps you’ve tried to reconnect – but despite some effort, you remain disconnected.
Or perhaps you just noticed it one day, and there’s been no attempt to reconnect.
I invite you to notice – when you’re ready to take a step back from the hurt and look at the situation from a different angle – that they’ve done you a favour.
They’ve decluttered themselves from your life.
They’ve Marie-Kondo’ed themselves out of your day-to-day.
Maybe you long for the connection to remain.
But remember it would likely be inauthentic if it did right now – if either of you were to sacrifice your genuine nature and maintain a relationship that did not feel right – on either side.
Maybe you want to blame them – for not sticking it out.
But remind yourself it’s just a shift – neither person is to blame, in the grand scheme of things.
Maybe one day the connection will rematerialize. Maybe repair to the relationship is needed and would be beneficial at some point.
But without expectation of return, I invite you to let them go, and release yourself from the constraint of confusion, blame, or dwelling – around their departure.
Refocus your attention on those who are around you and in your social sphere – however small. Perhaps consider creating new connections that feel refreshing and are in-flow.
Draw your attention to actions you can take now – approaching the existing friendships in your midst with gratitude and with support in order to strengthen them.
Wishing you a day of ease and connection. ❤